Archives for October 2015

“A rainy night in Georgia. I believe that it’s raining all over the world.” ~Randy Crawford

I AM a “living” MOOD RING person. What that means is this, you never know what you are going to get, when it comes to me and how “I” feel minute-by-minute. So to say that this Georgia rain has me feeling a bit “melancholy” could be accurate; or it could be the “after” effects of watching Adam Sandler’s “Pixels”. Man . . . that was such a boring movie.  And can someone please . . . please, explain to me “how” this man still continues to get studio money and/or endorsements  to make pictures? How?! Now that I think about it, it’s not Georgia’s “rain” but indeed, that “movie”.  But like most Aliens . . . I mean humans, “I’ve adopted” and/or had “implanted” in my brain, a skill that allows me to find ways of escaping this continued hostage situation of “melancholy-ism”.  And this skill or “hidden gem” I like to call it, is “trolling” the internet while the world sleeps quietly into the night. In other words, when I have “insomnia”, I basically boot up my computer and party  along with the rest of the “night crawlers”  via internet.

So while partaking in my ritual of trolling the net, I came across an interesting read about this “particular subject” that folks may perceive as embarrassing but I feel needs desperately to be addressed. And that is, “How to Fart in Public and Get Away with It”. There I’ve said it (Relief flows through my body or it may be gas. Not sure). I would admit that “I” (Yes Mrs. Perfect) hasn’t completely, utterly, mastered the skill(s) of “farting” in public places. So whatever tips and/or suggestions that’s out there that can help me become “master of my domain”, I’m for it. Honestly folks, how many times have you farted that “silent but deadly” one in public and tried running away from it? But for whatever reason, it follows you like a Kardashian girl to any black man. Yep, you get the picture.  So, if you are interested in ways of getting the heat off yah’ when you fart in public, then continue reading this post. Hey, you may luck out and find your “golden ticket” to mastering the art “Public Farting and Getting Away With It” (That’s the name of Shonda Rhimes new show).

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Comic Strip by at iamaniqa.blogspot.com

So this dude, Patrick Allan wrote an article for Lifehacker sharing various ways for “us” (humans) to be able to “fart” in public, escape the smell and still come off smelling like a bed of roses; or at least not get blamed for it. Since his article was a bit long (very long), I’ve condense it . . . okay, shared my “interpretation” of what Mr. Allan suggested. So let’s get started, shall we. . .

First up is the “Crop Dusting” technique. This is a simply “fart and run” movement (Ahh . . . my favorite and commonly used one).  All you do is released that pesky gas while walking, skipping, running, hopping, jumping, etc . . . just “Keep it MOVIN’ is all.  This action allows the person to leave the scene of the crime, in hopes that the smell evaporates and/or attached itself to someone else that’s near by.  Be mindful that this technique only works in an open environment.  Please do not embarrass yourself by trying this technique in a small area(s) like a cubicle, small storage room, etc. But hey, if you’re in a mall or grocery store, etc. then you got it made. In other words, “FART ON”!

Another one that I like, but is a little tricky is the “Elevators Farts” technique. Now this technique can be mastered and pulled off successfully with just a little practice. All you have to do is hold in your fart (No matter how painful it may be) until the elevator door opens and then let loose; especially if you’re one of those loud “farters”.  The noise from the elevator doors should cover up those “gassy” sounds; unless you’re in one of those fancy like elevators; then you’re DOOMED! Jonathan Beck at Qurora, also outlined another possible benefit of an elevator fart and that is, to “remain silent to maintain plausible deniability”. This will put everyone who’s on the elevator as a “suspect”.  Folks, this only work if the elevator is crowded. Geez!

I’ve only mentioned two of my  favorite fart theories, but bet your farting *bleep*, they’re dozens and dozens more floating around cyberland.  I guess the bottomline and/or purpose of this blog was to share my “hidden gem” skill  when I feel a  little “melancholy”. But somehow it morphed into “Farts, and the lives they live”.  . . Or did it? It’s simple folks, when life and/or events have you feeling some type of way and you don’t like it, then use your God given skill(s) (Commonsense = hidden gems) and make a change.

Until the next time . . .

 

images We are some simple people sometimes. This morning I was listening to,  not really watching the news when I heard the story about a man in New Mexico killing his friend. Ordinarily this would not have gotten much of my attention because just like the rest of the planet I am mostly immune to shock when hearing this sort of things. But then they said that his reasoning behind his actions was binge watching The Walking Dead made him think that his friend was turning into some sort of a zombie. What the fruck? Really! Now don’t get me wrong thanks to all the movies and my son, I am as prepared for an eventual zombie apocalypse as the next man but really I am not prepared at all for my friends to start seeing things and projecting what I hope is, their high as heck fears onto me. the_walking_dead_67137 I wonder if that will be as convincing as a defense as affluenza was for that rich kid Ethan Couch in Texas. Seems to me like that would be a good place to start, shoot if having access to his parents lifestyle and money made him do it and think he could get away with it, why not fear of zombies. He should at least get a comparable sentencing like 10 years in a mental hospital. ethan-couch If you really exam this story and what many other people do in the name of television then you would undertsand why, potential celebrity status and Gone with the Wind made Kenya Moore think it was ok to twirl out of and into a room. k.moore twilring Or why Flavor of Love spawned any celebrities at all, I mean really you just nasty for kissing on that man. This is a serious problem people, what are we going to do? Television is running or maybe ruining our lives. I’m going to start a hotline…1-800-go-outside or 1-800-get-alife

What you think, will it work?

Hey fam! So last week I celebrated a birthday. At first I was a little bummed about it because I couldn’t believe it.

Well I turned Fifty! The big 5-0! Weeks before it I could barely say it?! Now I’m feeling Fabulous and Fifty! The morning of my birthday I went on Facebook and found out that my cousin who was on the heart transplant list received it and was in surgery. That was the best gift ever. You would have thought that it was happening to me. It also made me realize that I have nothing to be down about. I needed to learn to be grateful and thankful.

We all hear that. Be grateful and thankful. It’s something that’s said in gospel songs. The question is do we really understand what it means. Sure you think about having a job to complain about and maybe even remembering to be thankful for your car. But are we truly grateful and thankful for the things in your life?

I asked a friend what she thinks of when someone says to be thankful and grateful. She said she thinks of family and loved ones. The fact is we need to treasure them while they are here. She added that when I asked her this question she reminded herself to contact her family member to check on them. Do you make a list of family members that you haven’t talked to and check on them? Or do you just call them when they pop in your head?

Have you ever just made a list of what you are truly thankful and grateful for? Well on my birthday I did a small list. It included my God; my Mom that is with me through thick and thin and I love with all my heart; my Dad, although he isn’t on this earth anymore, he was the man that taught me things about cars, comedy, sports, and was my first love; my family that love me unconditionally; my friends that will tell me the good, the bad and the ugly about myself; the ability to love and be loved; the ability to empathize and sympathize; the ability to laugh at myself (because if you can’t laugh at yourself you sure can’t laugh at somebody else. Well I guess you could but someone will bring it up that you did the same thing. And let’s face it, its soo much better when you get your laugh out first. LOL)

janet

       After making my list I realized that being in Club 50 wasn’t a bad club to be in. Let’s look at who else is in this club? My girl, Janet Jackson is in it. Look at her making her comeback when she doesn’t even have to with her Unbreakable tour. Now mind you, I’m not saying I’m Janet but dang it if I can’t be like her. I mean I’m a member now! Then there is Angela Bassett; Vanessa Williams; Madonna; Viola Davis; and Halle Berry and so many countless others. What an awesome club to be in!!LOL

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So with that being said be grateful for what you have! Thankful for who you have in your corner and embrace life! For those who are becoming fifty, Welcome to Club 50!!

Adele is BACK with her first single HELLO! And I’ve been crying like a faded-out fifties movie star.

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              Picture by Jan Farthling

Check it out and see if your eyes stay DRY as well!

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See this is how a “professional” enters back into an “arena”  . . . KNOCKING folks out with song vocals and meaningful lyrics! Now, if we can get SADE to come back . . .  All will be right with the world.

Merci

 

1-in-4-mental-health-issues

Mental health is something most black people often joke about. Having been a long rule standing that you DO NOT go see a “head” doctor for problems that you may be having.

Silly excuses like you just have a headache, or you in one of your spills, or that’s the drink talking are all the excuses used for years to explain away mental breakdowns within families. The mere thought of admitting that you may have actual mental issues to anyone outside of your family is surely taboo and at one point may have gotten you shunned as the Amish say.

The problem is that in today’s world this is no longer or at least it should no longer be allowed. Reading headlines that are recurrent when it comes to women throwing their babies out of window is sickening. Men raping young boys and then sending them friend request on Facebook or Fathers purposely driving into lakes to kill their own children is all so disturbing that I can’t sleep for worrying about the future. Shoot forget the future I can’t stop worrying about tomorrow and my kids and my kids friends.

WSHH and you tube have made it possible to put everyone’s mess of a life on front street and they are revered for that ish. Gang rape, stripper follies, twerk contest, street fights and whatever else this troubled society can think up is all displayed on the internet for the world to see.

It used to be that the worst thing you could do as a young girl growing up what to have people talk about you in a disrespectful manner, for people to find out that you had S-E-X with one, GOD forbid to boys. Now you got these young girls out here puckering their lips in bathroom mirrors, exposing themselves in suggestive poses or worse out right performing adult acts proudly; all to get the attention of some random guy that might comment and say they’re HOT.

Seriously WTF is going on? We started breeding little monster probably 10 years ago, we are living in a truly hopeless time. How sad is it that an internet game called Questions, where a guy goes around to different cities and towns, like Miami, Washington DC an Chicago asking the most basic of questions like who is the 44th President, or what’s heavier a pound of cotton or a lb. of stone? or you have 13 puppies but all but 8 die, how many do you have? Those are just some of the questions the gentleman ask and less than 1/3 of the people are able to answer some of the questions correctly.

People we are at a Code Red status, not just in the US but all over the world. Politicians are constantly speaking about war or potential threats to the world. Could someone please direct their attention past their own advantages and agendas.

Could someone please invest in our future. It great that we feel that black lives matter but I wish to change that hashtag to represent an oldie but a goodie. #abrainisaterriblethingtowaste.

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